Hidden among other high school memorabilia (yearbooks, student newspapers, awards, etc.) I found some old notebooks and legal pads. Apparently, I had used these notebooks and pads as sounding boards for my deepest, most darkest emo complaints. I perused some of the stream-of-consciousness my 16-year-old self had vomited through a pen, and I found the experience delightful. What a mess I was. Poems with sketches of landscapes and roses. Whining about girls. Gripes about typical high school dramas. Grievances galore. Seems I dealt with the same perceived problems most teenages do--I just dealt with them internally rather than spreading rumors about my foes. While I'm sure that wasn't good for my health back then, it DID provide a source of great laughter in the present.
The main reason I found these writings so funny is that I thought I had been more mature than the average schmuck in high school. Now I know better. I had very little respect for those who disagreed with me. I had not a clue of how to deal with emotional strife. Most importantly though, I could tell by reading my old notes that I had no sense of gratitude for just how good my life truly was. I doubt 16-year-old me would have been able to laugh at 11-year-old me.
So now I'm wondering how I'll interpret this blog or other writings in five or ten years. Will post-med-school Nick be shocked at pre-med-school Nick's shortcomings? I hope so. At the same time, though, this episode has made me very aware of my desire to make my future self proud. Maybe in 2017 (assuming the Mayans were incorrect about the whole 2012 affair) I'll be able to look back at my personal development without being ashamed of the version.2007 Nick.
High school me:
2 comments:
Hey nick, hope all is well. I am linking up to your blog.
When is the move in date?
Also, have you ever read "Travels" by Michael Crichton?
www.thelonelylawyer.blogspot.com
Well if you get a chance, it is Crichton's non-fiction account of Harvard Med School and his worldly travels that occurred around the same time. It is supposed to be great. Have you ever read "The Long Walk" by Richard Bachman/Steven King? Coincidentally with the same title as the book mentioned in your blog, it is one of the most interesting reads I've ever experienced. It is about a group of boys who engage in a competition of walking, where those who lag behind are shot, and the one who wins is given any prize he desires.
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